It's that time of year

Again, folks.  Time for the making of merry.  Time for overeating, and lighting of candles.  Time for hearty laughter, and for making the heart glad with wine.  Time for gift-giving, and the annual family skeet competition.  A great big hullubaloo.  That's what it is.  A hullubaloo.  That part I'm looking forward to, but I must admit, the drive which I will begin in 5 hours(at the bright and early hour of 3 A.M.) is a bit of a daunting thought.  Especially considering I was up til the wee hours studying for Insurance Billing exams last night.  It's ok though.  Time will fly by, that much I know.  After all, 2009 almost didn't happen.  Looking back, even though it was one of the most important years of my life...it seems like it barely registers.  This isn't a complaint, just an sudden realisation, as I reflect upon a year that is on the wane.

I'm so grateful not only to have become a father this year, but also to have hopefully come to a deeper understanding of how God works in history.  It's a liberating thing, the more I understand how important and yet how small the part I have to play in the Kingdom truly is.  Being part of it, of the greatest organism/organisation in all of history to take back all that was stolen, right the wrongs, overcome the evils, and reflect a tiny speck of the light Christ has engulfed me in...is too humbling to possibly express in any language.  This thought, however, should be a sobering one for any believer: "have I been a roadblock to Christ's mission on earth today?"  We always opine on how Satan can't stymie the unrelenting cavalcade that is the Church, yet...few Christians it seems, ever ask the question, "have I really helped Christ make progress in the world this year, or have I held Him back?"   Have my actions, within my own sphere of influence, failed to sacrifice, failed to serve, failed to obey, just...failed?  Make no mistake, we're all failures in this regard.  Yet, the simple truth is...if I screw up, if I don't always take the bull by the horns, if I haven't yet made the progress toward becoming the man I wish I could be...it doesn't really matter that much.  The Kingdom, the Plan marches ever on.  I won't stop it, nobody can. 

Friend, if Christ is bigger than our sin, He's bigger than the void of our inactions. 

This thought has encouraged me.  I pray that one day people killing each other for elaborate lies they're so firmly convinced of, will know this sweet brokenness, this empowering helplessness.  Yes.  Christ is bigger. 

Merry Christmas, my friends! 

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Though He Slay Me...

Sometimes, God brings events into our lives that change us.  Some happy, some profound, while others are heartbreaking.  Recently, several young couples I'm very close to, have had miscarriages in their pregnancies.  One of the miscarriages came early on, within the first trimester, and though it was an abrupt pregnancy, that doesn't remove the sorrow.  This couple has been in mourning over the loss of their child, and I've been trying to pray for them, being smitten of heart about it myself.

The second untimely death was in the lives of a young couple who are also extremely God-fearing and selfless.  They however, were only one week away from their baby's due date.  One week.  Think about that.  They'd picked out the name(his name was Lemuel), they'd gotten all the shower gifts, clothes, diapers.  Perhaps they'd even repainted the nursery.  All of that ended with the words, "we can't find a heartbeat" during a cold, heartless ultra-sound.  I don't know, I guess I've always been one who sympathized with those who'd lost children this way, but this time it hit me in the gut and hard.  My child is only 10 weeks old.  Why is he fine, while their babies are dead?  I can't answer that, but I'm not obligated to.  I'm just obliged to trust.  This world is a wonderful place, but it is also a broken one.  Sometimes God seems close enough to touch, and sometimes you wonder where He is.  I know, as the Psalmist says, that God is indeed near to the broken-hearted, and I trust He has been with these people. 

For example, He lovingly moved through the Presbytery's diaconate to negotiate the hospital rates, and pay for it themselves on behalf of this couple.  If that wasn't enough, the parents found a cemetery that offers a free casket, service, and burial to the families that have gone through this.  I know that right now it must seem no large comfort, but at least they won't be financially burdened by all this.  God, we are so alone without you.  Mankind by nature shrieks til their last breath for you to leave them alone...I'm so glad you don't listen.  I'm so glad, you drag us, kicking and screaming to a friendship with you, and to life abundant here and beyond.  Please help these young parents who lost their children, and me and my family as well, to trust you in our walks that one day we may have the joy of meeting these two children at last.  For we know that no one who dies in you is ever lost.  No.  Not one of your precious children ever falls through the cracks.

Christe Eleison

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Random Thoughts on Fatherhood

Well well, it seems nearly 2 months have gone by since my last update.  I suppose we can chalk that one up to the newest little Blevins, or "doodle noodle" as my wife calls him, arriving not long ago.  For those who aren't aware of the details, my wife went into labor on September 6th, and delivered him safely at home on September 7th....Labor day.  Oooh, the lifelong jokes the boy must now go through are painful to think about.

It's funny how the reality of a baby hits people differently at different times.  For instance, minutes after my son was born and they'd cleaned him off, they handed him to me, wrapped in a towel and crying his little head off.  My very first thought was, "Aw, hey little guy, you look scared, let's go and help you find your family." Zoing!  "Wait a second," I thought, "I am your family.  Ohhhh." :) 

Now, I haven't slept much the last 6 weeks, but I expected that.  What I didn't expect was how little time I'd have during the day.  It has taken nearly two months for us to find a real routine again, or even something resembling one.  If he wakes up, it takes us anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes to get him sleeping again.  Then there are the feedings that we are courageously trying to space out to respectable 4 hour intervals.  I know what you parents are thinkin, "Good luck with that!"  Gee, thanks guys.

Honestly, looking at him it's amazing to think that he's my future, the future of my lifeline, my family, myself...To grasp that he is an extension of myself is wonderful, but far too mind boggling to wrap my head around.  So, for now, I'm just satisfied knowing that he's mine and he is a gift from Jesus.  I hope each of you know the joys I have known with your kids, or kids to come.  Lastly for kicks, here are a few shots of the little stinker, James Davis Blevins.

James, on the day he was born.

In a happy mood.

Pimpin his new hat.

Daddy needs a nap.

Next time, guys.  Peace.

Reunion

*Hears the echo of his own footsteps in the hollow halls of his own Xanga* 

Well well...this familiar place.  Yes, I know it all too well.  Like a man, visiting the boyhood home he moved away from years before.  Comforting, yet bittersweet as it brings back all the liveliest and most cherished memories of a time in his life that feels like a dream.

Yes, I must say...that after nearly 18 months away from this old blog, I miss it.  I've missed it for a long time.  The whole template and default settings have been completely changed, and it took me nearly an entire 10 minutes to even figure out how to make a new post on this site.  Yet, looking back on blogging days within a Facebooking world, I can say with total confidence...the return here is worth it.  I've always been fond of Xanga, as the medium has allowed me to express some very geniune thoughts, even if they're not very important ones.  Yes, Xanga...my old friend...my new resolution is to write within your corridors at least bimonthly.  There are many things now happening in my own life(the imminent birth of my first-born son, for example) that only you can do justice to.  A simply 'updated status, or wall post' are an insult to such events, I believe. 

I have no delusions of reliving the glory days when all my friends were also regularly writing posts(80% of my friends, I find upon returning, have deleted their accounts).  Still, I relish the chance to remain more true to myself as I get to do that which enlivens my soul as few other activities can: writing.  And so...without further inadequate excuses, I do return to lay the stones of my thoughts into a coherent stretch of road that hopefully will allow myself and others to better know who I am, and where I am going.  Xanga, I hereby write this post as an olive branch to make my peace with you.  Is it too late?  Can we not still harken back to days of more personal reflection and intimate conversation?  Only time will tell, but if actions do speak for themselves, then let this post be a good place to start.  

Yours Truly,

Nathan Blevins